The story behind the song, “Beth Hart” pretty much embodies why music has been and IS such a HUGE part of my life. I have always been (even as a kid) aware of people and their emotions. But more than that, I have always sought authenticity and vulnerability. Beth Hart is an artist that I had the privilege of hearing at the Durango Singer/Songwriter conference. It wasn’t just what she sang, it was how, as well. It was so raw and so real, painful even, but beautiful. It had such an effect on me, that I had to go back to my room and write about it. I have always been a writer. I have kept a consistent journal since the fourth grade. So I suppose that writing from an early age was how I learned to processed through whatever was going on. When I am overcome with the emotion of my own or someone else’s story, I typically put it to music. This particular song rings true to what I find to be the source of inspiration. Vulnerability, authenticity, and love. And when we are willing to share the good, the bad and the ugly, it opens up a space in others that gives them a place of belonging and permission to do the same. But we don’t get there just pretending to have it all together or trying to appear perfect.
Both of my parents are musical. My father is a classically trained musician and taught me first to play the violin. My mother taught me to sing, play the piano and she was the first person I ever saw write music. She has seven kids including me. And her story always hit me hard. She is an incredible mother with a beautiful musical talent, but she always had a sadness and longing in her voice as she told the story of “giving up her music for her kids”. And while I realize (being a mother myself) that there is much sacrifice in motherhood and that there is a season for all things, I have had to fight against that same story. I have two daughters of my own and one son. And in the recent years, I can see their individual and beautiful gifts. I have changed my story when speaking to them that there IS room for both. Motherhood does not have to replace our individual gifts and talents.
Music is a huge part of who I am and is in my soul. It’s actually the biggest way that the spirit speaks to me. And I specifically love writing, singing and performing. I love taking my experience or someone else’s and putting it out there for others to relate to and experience healing in the same way music does for me. I have had times when I thought, “this is it. I’m not going to be able to do anything more with music”. Usually these thoughts stemmed from a place fear, guilt or worry (the holy trinity of desperate motherhood). And of course, I wasn’t any better of a mother or happier for trying to make those thoughts my reality. I soon started getting back out there and quickly realized that it didn’t make any sense for me to tell my girls that they can do anything with their lives and to develop their gifts only to show them that eventually they should give it all up for motherhood.
The thing is, continuing to fulfill my soul purpose through developing and sharing my music makes me happier, and therefor, makes my a much happier and better mother. I realize that for some, their huge talent and gifts are centered in motherhood and homemaking. I honestly have so much respect and love for these women. The only point I’m trying to make is that we don’t have to fall into the “guilt” culture that tells us that we must put everything that makes us who we are individually on the back burner, in order to be the “right” kind of good LDS woman or mother.
We have ALL been given specific gifts. And I am a HUGE believer that if we do not as women love ourselves enough to invest in ourselves, we cannot fully love and invest in others, including our children. We will always be running on fumes.
My Beth Hart song is just a symbol of what being our FULL selves, all of us, can have the power to do for those around us. Trying to appear perfect does not inspire others. Being real and being the best version of ALL we are meant to be is what truly inspires.
